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test

Do you ever feel like you are being tested? I feel like I was just tested by God. I don’t know exactly what I was supposed to learn from said test, but I am still trying to figure out if I passed or failed. Perhaps he was testing my faith in him, I tend to go in and out of my belief in God or a higher power of any kind. I am one of those people who goes to church on Christmas and then ignores religion the other 364 days of the year. I wasn’t always that way though, I used to be very faithful and a very solid believer. I am not going to get into when or why that changed… it’s opening a can of worms that my brain is not prepared to dig into right now. But I will say that today I believe fully in God and I believe fully that he is testing me.

Last week I accepted a job. A good one. The next day I got a call about another job. In a lot of ways we could say this was a better job. As I had not yet signed the contract for the job I accepted, I entertained the idea of the new opportunity that came along. I told the managers I would think about it over the weekend and then touch base on Monday.

I thought about it. A lot. I decided that the job I had already accepted would bring me a better work/life balance. Although it was less pay for a more challenging position, I fully intended to move forward with this one when I woke up Monday morning. So, I got up and my agent called me to discuss the new opportunity (I had emailed him to let him know what was up). As a guy that has been in the industry as an agent and news person for decades, I had hoped this conversation would give me a bit of closure about the choice. I wanted him to say something like ‘the first job you accepted will lead to more opportunities’ or ‘that other station is crap you would hate it.’ Instead he really gave me nothing. We ended the chat with the mutual decision to honor my first commitment of taking the job I already accepted.

I hung up feeling unsatisfied.

About a minute later, I got a call from the employer at the station hoping to interview me still. Instead of hearing her out I cut her off before she could say anything, telling her I would be moving forward with my other opportunity. She said they were very disappointed, there were a few awkward pauses and then we both said ‘okay bye.’

I walked outside onto my deck and stared at nothing for a solid ten minutes. The job I just turned down an interview for was the type of position I had been telling myself I wanted for about nine months… since I started searching for a new job. It was also the exact amount of pay I felt I deserved. EXACT. So why did I just throw in the towel?

TIME FOR A PROS AND CONS LIST. Sort of.

This new opportunity would’ve had me working weekends (Saturday and Sunday morning… like 3 a.m.) for the next three years of my life. I am 27 years old…. that means I would not have the freedon to go out on a Friday or Saturday night until I was 30. I am also single without any kids or a family of my own… so I need to still have a somewhat ‘lit’ dating life. I also wasn’t sure about the city the job was in. While it was what I wanted in terms of close to home, I didn’t see a lot of nightlife or growth happening in the area. These are the main reasons I turned it down. For the most part, right now I just want to have a life. While more money and a more prestigious position sound really awesome, I had to decide if it was worth what I would be giving up. No weekend days off means having to take PTO days to go to weddings, family events, holidays… even a baseball game on a Saturday with friends.

The ‘pros’ of the job are pretty obvious. More money, more prestigious position, more focus on what I see myself doing in the long run. But, who cares about that stuff when you can’t celebrate it with a few drinks in a Saturday night?

So this was a test. After uncertainty about if accepting the initial job was the right thing to do, God decided to help make sure I knew it was. He wanted me to see that life/family is more important to me than career/money. I think eventually I will get what I want career wise and money wise, but for now I want to live a full life with good experiences and be happy. The job I accepted will let me do that. So yea, I guess I did pass the test.

Sometimes writing it down helps reveal what was right there in front of you the whole time. Go with your gut. It’s always right.

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