life · news

choices

When you have two choices and you finally pick one, your heart becomes content. Whether its with apartments, significant others, bottles of wine at the grocery store or jobs. It’s just what happens. It’s as if your whole body, heart and mind had tensed up and as soon as you say “this one” everything relaxes.

So last week I did that. I picked a job, my heart was at peace and my entire body mellowed out. It was super nice after more than a month of stressing out over finding a job. But that content feeling only lasted about 48 hours.

Less than 2 days after I accepted the job I got a call about another one. At first I told the employer I had already been swooped up by another station… but after I hung up… my stupid, annoying, pain-in-the-ass curiosity kicked in. What if that job was a better fit? What if that city was cheaper to live in? What if it was more fun? What if it paid more? What if that was a better move for my career?

So I called them back and told them that although I had indeed accepted a new position… no paperwork had been signed yet. I felt shady and dirty about it… but I also felt I would’ve always wondered. So I heard them out about the job. It sounded pretty good…. but it would have to sound REALLY good for me to risk compromising the other position I had already accepted. So I asked bluntly what it paid. That’s when I knew I was no longer content with my choice. This job wanted to pay me twenty thousand dollars more a year than the one I had just accepted **insert shocked emoji face**.

I genuinely was happy with my decision to take the first job… and I still am if that’s what I end up doing. However, can anyone really say ‘nah’ to an additional twenty grand a year without at the very least getting ALL the details?

So I proceeded to discuss the job with the employer. I was clear with them that my time frame is basically up and if they wanted me to consider the position I needed to come and see the workplace and the city like… in the next few days. We left it open ended. I explained to them that I had to run things by my agent, as I am sure he is going to dub me his most difficult client ever at this point, but I would be in touch either way.

Now I am sitting here…. researching a different city, cost of living, taxes, weighing out work/life balance, checking out apartments and overall just stressing. Again.

My shoulders will not come down from their state of tension… my face is holding a permanent *shocked* expression and my brain is nearly exploding with the unexpected new choice I have. Granted, this is sort of what I wanted all along…. two good opportunities to choose from. Of course, now that I have it…. I just want to curl up in a ball and tell everyone to go away.

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